The Black Butterfly (9/22/2011)

My mind is so happy with this new “issue spotting” activity that begins my journaling. And it is very good. We can just take all these issues and let them go, release them. It is really the only practical way. There is too much for us to figure out on our own. And it is too painful to try. Ah yes, just like the hungry hungry caterpillar, the mind is so hungry for thoughts, ideas, issues, voraciously hungry. And finally, when it is full, it just wraps itself up and dissolves into a new story.

In my dreams I saw a dog hunting feverishly in a dark maze. And I recognized the scene and knew the prey. As International Peace Day ended, in those early morning hours when everything is clear, I looked deeply at myself and saw that I am wounded, vulnerable (scared) and violent (actually and passively). I am Osama Bin Laden. And the thrasher calls at this realization – yoo hoo, you who. And the heralds sound, ALL HAIL THE KING! Huh? Uh-oh, giggle, the king is naked! Of course, the naked truth – it takes an innocent (vulnerable) child to say it. And we killed Osama Bin Laden. President Obama killed him (we demanded it!)

And just then, a black butterfly appears. It flits by, returns, flits up closer to me, and then leaves. A Black Butterfly. So this is the magical conversion you have offered me (I am so weary of the term “transformation”). My friends have returned – all my relations. Thank you. And Shayla, the young Native American girl who I visited with so many years ago at Black Tail Ranch, Montana, comes to me too. This is what I agreed to, isn’t it? Sharing (translating) your stories. I agreed to do that. Now I know what it meant. The way to share your stories is by living them. Living them. Living them. Living them. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

There are Many Paths (9/21/2011)

There is a place we all seek and there are many paths to get there. On my journey I have taken three paths: the path of truth, the path of despair, and the path of love.

The path of truth may have begun with my love of Perry Mason. It took me many wonderful places, including Stanford Law School and allowed me to go inside the bar (court) and inside the bars (prison).

The path of despair (fear) was perhaps given to me, by my ancestors. I seem to have always known it. It led me to many terrifying places but also to a 12 step program and to other people and places who helped to ease my pain.

The path of love is probably part of my DNA, who I am. This path led me to Jesus, to the altar, to being a mother, to self love and to ecstatic encounters with all of creation.

So, would you like to know what is at the end of each path?

The path of truth ends in a place of not knowing.
The path of despair ends in a place of surrender, of giving up, of letting go.
The path of love ends in a place where the only thing left to do is give – everything.

And so, I just settle in, make my home here, and begin living.

The Lord’s Prayer

1662 Anglican BCP

Our Father, which art in heaven,
hallowed be thy name;
thy kingdom come;
thy will be done,
in earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our trespasses,
as we forgive them that trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation;
but deliver us from evil.

[For thine is the kingdom,
the power, and the glory,
for ever and ever.]

Woodpeckers, Whales, and Elephants – oh my

“Oh what a night.” Instead of awakening through the night with mean thoughts and judgments, nice memories or thoughts came to mind, effortlessly. I really can choose a different way. Thank you God.

And then I got up and went to check my email, hoping for some word on all the emails I sent and posts I created yesterday. And there was still nothing. (Except for my Uncle Carl, bless his heart – really.) And my inner voice gently told me that this was fine, and this was good. I was free now to express myself. Self-expression, yes. That’s it.

I had left a link open yesterday afternoon so that today I could listen to samples of chakra soul songs ( by Jennifer McLean. As I played the first chakra sample, I did feel the energy. Then I heard a woodpecker begin drumming away, then it moved to a new spot, then another, it just began pecking all around the house – to me it seemed to want to get in – it was attracted by the music. I had to go open the blinds and stare at it for a few seconds before it quit pounding on the house and flew away.

I was already planning to look up information about whales in my Animal-Speak and Medicine Cards books because that energy had been catching my attention. So, I decided to look up woodpecker too. Maybe it was telling me to buy the chakra healing music. The last line in Animal-Speak was the answer to my prayers and such a gift: It is now safe to follow your own rhythms.

Then I looked up whale in Medicine Cards. Wow. I won’t repeat it all here but it was very self affirming. For example, “Many Whale medicine people are able to tap into the universal mind of Great Spirit, and have no idea how or why they know what they know.” It also suggests I find my “own unique cry or call.” My first idea is to sing “Joy” kind of like om. I already know the note because a while back I made a little song using the letters from my name – Joy lOve Awe woNder uNity and peacE.

And elephants! Here’s the link for the KarmaTube video called Elephants Never Forget. You have to watch it to understand. I cried. Especially when Solomon, Shirley’s trainer, talked about being the one who was able to take the chain off her ankle and set her free. And then again when I got to see Shirley and her old friend Jenny back together after 25 years.

I too am set free and I too have reunited with my old friends – all my relations. And I am Joy. And it is now safe for me to tell you.