Living a Divinely Inspired Life

I think it was probably about two years ago that I told my husband and my sons that I was committed to living a divinely inspired life. “Lately it occurs to me what a long, strange trip it’s been.” (Truckin’ by The Grateful Dead)

And Daughtry’s song, Home, comes to mind too and especially these lyrics “Be careful what you wish for cause you just might get it all.”

It’s all good. (I especially like the first three definitions.)         http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=it%27s%20all%20good

mothre

I’ve figured out what to do with the body. Not exactly how yet, but some ideas are coming. It will be a funeral pyre — like a moth to flame — like a Phoenix. And the body will rest upon some dried up leaves from the flower Jessica brought me last year that dessicated inside my Tacheria notebook. And I will shred the $10 bill I found in the parking lot of Faith Lutheran Church and she will rest among that too. And there will be a “stand” of some sort for her to lie upon. And the fire will be built underneath, to burn hot and bright, to turn it all to ash.

I have her dead body sitting among my journals and books etc on the kitchen table. She is a moth. And she is my friend. She companioned me through the nights at the computer and just waited patiently on the wall during the day. I first met her (well noticed her) when she circled around the desk light to show me — yes, she is just like me and can also become very disoriented if not following the true light. Artificial lights wreak havoc on her navigational system. She would hide in the shadow behind the keyboard after that to stay out of it’s attractive, but false, glow.

I found her dead in the middle of the floor Saturday morning before leaving for Tacheria. Eric had us do an animal meditation and ask for the name of the animal. I could not think what animal to choose, but then I thought of the moth. She came to me. Told me her name is mothra. And I thought that was pretty hilarious because it made me think of some hokey 50’s science fiction movie where, as I recall, there was some horrifying moth creature. Then I learned the spelling of her name — mothre. And she flew into my heart and filled the empty space that was there. And I put my hands over my heart, and I could tell it was whole.

. . . . all the way home

This little piggy went to market.
This little piggy stayed home.
This little piggy had roast beef.
This little piggy had none.
And this little piggy went wee wee wee all the way home.

Last night I was telling my mom the story of my blog’s web address. I came up (well, “we” came up) with the we oui whee part, but my husband Duane added the WOW. Isn’t that an interesting masculine-feminine joining! And both of us thought we knew what the other was talking about, but we didn’t, and then we “discovered” it together. What a delightful and happy “accident.”

Last year, I had another website, not a blog, with the we oui whee name. I asked my son Matt (m@) and he got the domain name for me. (He also got Duane’s “Lemons” racing website.) Well, the account lapsed, and we lost the domains. Matt was too busy to get them reinstated, so Duane just decided to do it himself. So he called the company and got both names back. Then he began setting them up. This is all new for him so it took a few days. He said he was going to try to get the WOW part off, but I could start playing with it. Well, impatient me, was not content to wait and sent out the blog link including the WOW, telling people it might be removed later.

Now my understanding of the WOW was that the program just somehow automatically added it and he just didn’t know how to remove it and he was waiting for Matt to have time to help him with it. But, it turns out that Duane added the WOW because he thought that’s why I chose we oui whee, because the initials spelled WOW. And I didn’t even realize the initials spelled that!

The first comment back on my blog was from my sister. She said, after reading my blog, that WOW seemed just right! And Matt said I really might want to drop it because it was a common acronym for World of Warcraft. Well I laughed. Wouldn’t it be funny if someone looking for that came to my blog?!

I thanked Duane so much for adding the WOW, and I’m keeping it.

As I finished up with my story, my mom said, and it’s also “wee wee wee all the way home.”  I said yes, I know, but it’s only 3 wee’s and that little rhyme has 4 wee’s, so it’s close. She told me she says it with 3 wees. So I looked it up on Google, which led to Wikipedia, and sure enough – 3 wees all the way home! Thank you mom!

And I remember my membership class at St. Francis and David asking us for our dreams, visions, something like that. I told him about my dream of having a little home of my own. It has been a persistent and recurring deep desire for many years. And 2 years ago, I drew a “self-portrait” of me, and I was the home (my body was a house, with a window into my heart, and a door into my belly – the door knob my belly button). And at the end of August of this year I signed a spiritual Commitment that I drafted. It was another strong “homecoming.” And in September, I got back “home” from Oregon. And now, finally, I am at home with myself. And I am at home with God. And “we” are having the time of our lives.

And, of course, a song comes to mind, and it’s called “True” by Spandau Ballet:

Ah Ah Ah Ah Ah
Ah Ah Ah Ah Ah
So true…….
Funny how it seems…..
Always in time, but never in line for dreams.
Head over heels, when toe to toe,
This is the sound of my soul. (This is the sound)

I bought a ticket to the world,
But now I’ve come back again.
Why do I find it hard to write the next line?
When I want the truth to be said…….

Ah Ah Ah Ah Ah
I know this much is true.
Ah Ah Ah Ah Ah
I know this much is true.

With a thrill in my head and a pill on my tongue,
Dissolve the nerves that have just begun.
Listening to Marvin all night long.
This is the sound of my soul. (This is the sound)

Always slipping from my hands,
Sand’s a time of it’s own.
Take your seaside arms and write the next line,
Oh, I want the truth to be known…….

Ah Ah Ah Ah Ah
I know this much is true.
Ah Ah Ah Ah Ah
I know this much is true.

*break*

I bought a ticket to the world,
But now I’ve come back again.
Why do I find it hard to write the next line?
When I want the truth to be said…….

Ah Ah Ah Ah Ah
I know this much is true.
Ah Ah Ah Ah Ah
I know this much is true.

I know this much is……..
I know this much is…….
True.

I know this much is……
I know this much is…….
True.

I know this much is……
I know this much is…….
True.

I know this much is……
I know this much is…….
True.

My Father and I

and now you’re gone – released, let go

and now I can grieve

and now I can see you – in Brody, in Rebecca, Gavin, Robyn (their photos pop up on the computer screen saver as I sit down to type)

and your song plays in the background of my thoughts . . . “Some people say I’m a no count, others say I’m no good but I’m just a natural born traveling man doing what I think I should, poor boy . . .”

Now I digress,

It was you that was in my heart. I held you there. There were no daddies like you on TV: Leave it to Beaver, Father Knows Best, The Dick Van Dyke Show. No daddies that got drunk. No daddies that got mad. No daddies that left. Why didn’t they ever tell me that some daddies get drunk, some daddies get mad, and some daddies leave?

But it’s okay now because I know that my daddy was an alcoholic, my daddy got mad, and my daddy left. And my daddy loved me. And perhaps, in his final time on earth, his memories of me and of Jimmy and Becky brought him some comfort. I hope they did.

I thought we would be able to maybe meet somewhere. Start over. Write a new story. I could be little again. We could re-do it. But it was up to me, now, to shift my perspective, and to free, liberate, release you from the prison of my heart. I took so many wheelbarrows full of you out of my heart, but you still remained as if integrated into the walls of my heart and I had to release those parts of you as if in “mist” form. I wanted to do it. I did do it. I just didn’t know you’d be “gone.” I am so sad now.

And maybe it is the tears that flow so freely that will fill up that “empty” space in my heart now.

“Can’t forget, won’t forget what I did for love . . .” It is not all sad though.

Lyrics to A Chorus Line- What I Did For Love :

Kiss today goodbye
The sweetness and the sorrow
Wish me luck the same to you
But I can’t regret what I did for love
What I did for love

Look, my eyes are dry
The gift was ours to borrow
It’s as if we always knew
And I won’t forget what I did for love
What I did for love

Gone, love is never gone
As we travel on
Love’s what we’ll remember

Kiss today goodbye
And point me t’ward tomorrow
We did what we had to do
Won’t forget, can’t regret
What I did for love
What I did for love

Love is never gone
As we travel on
Love’s what we’ll remember

Kiss today goodbye
And point me t’ward tomorrow
We did what we had to do
Won’t forget, can’t regret
What I did for love
What I did for love
What I did for love

Soulful Women Midwife Ritual

I approach the Temple. The guardian at the door speaks to me and I release my clothing and my “body” at the threshold. I am a being of light. And I take my place among the other women there and notice that it doesn’t matter at all to them that I am “different” (a light being). They simply welcome me as one of their own.

We sink our roots into the 3-D earth, and raise our branches to the great cosmic blackness, the mother womb. It is there that we meet the Weaver Dreamer, in her spiderweb-like magenta robes. And she offers each of us our own unique thread. (I notice that this thread now “clothes” and “embodies” me. ) My thread is fullness, wholeness, all of me, a creative gift. Her message to me is a song, “we are the weavers, we are the web, we are the flow, and we are the ebb.” And another song, “dream weaver . . .” And it becomes clear to me, I am a Weaver. (of dreams)

And as we return to the earth plane, there is another guardian, the midwife, and she asks what I want to manifest here (birth) and I tell her: offering myself – giving! And she asks me if there is any resistance. She wholly supports and encourages me as we breath and moan through the “labor pains,” releasing, letting go. It is my heart where I hold the most resistance. And she encourages me and holds my hands and finally I know! My body knows what to do. I put my hands on my thighs and I just listen and go with my body – it knows! it knows!

And then she hugs me tightly from behind and we both hold my heart very tightly, and the message is: “trust” – YES! yes – trust! I love and trust and honor my body. I fill the hole left from releasing with this new truth, trust.

And then a soul agreement rises from my belly: I stand in my power.

And I stand, and act out, dance “my” song:

[With my arms raised to heaven]
Here I stand brave and strong,
guided by my own heart song.
[chorus]
My heart sings of love,
My heart sings of joy,
My heart sings of righting (writing) wrongs,
My heart sings a beauty song.

[With my hands cuddling my heart, and I put on my prayer shawl like a hug, and I rock back and forth]
I am the cow, gentle and
bringing great gifts for man.
[chorus]

[Dancing all around]
I am the moon, constant yet
every changing, strong and bright.
[chorus]

And I “raise my hand” and I tell the whole group. And I sing them the first verse and chorus. And I am shaky now, just like after Matt was born.
10/5/11

You may say I’m a dreamer . . .

I’m taking Jean Houston’s class, Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose, and as we prepared for the class to begin, they asked us to think about the wildest dream we could imagine coming to pass by the end of the 7-week course, November 18. Well, I wrote it down, and the next day, before the class even began, my wildest dream request was answered. I remembered Oprah telling someone who had their dreams come true, “You need to dream bigger.” So, in the early morning hours of October 5, these “bigger” dreams came to me and I recorded them as best I could:

dream bigger: a world that “works” for all (all are lifted up in their “own” way that works best for them – we want it for our brother or sister just as much as we want it for ourselves, and all of creation is our relation) – all means all – there are many paths, all are honored, revered, supported – just the beginnings of community and relationship – many actually experience “the rapture” or “the shift” or “the awakening” and they do not leave, disappear, but stay, remain, and share it with all – it ripples out and out and out (reconciliation – the doorway to heaven) Jean talks about the butterfly and the imaginal cells and the mush. I have a vision of “holding hands in prison.” I think we must all enter the cocoon together and there are many of us here who will invite others to join us. (This all seems quite odd to me.) Avatar movie: “I see you.”

dream bigger: something entirely new crystalline, radiant, brilliant, shining – all of creation living its’ “Highest Purpose” – together – a shared vision (heaven) We can imagine it! And some are living it, holding the space, the energy, already, but they cannot do it alone. It requires us all. This is more “hidden” – “elite” in a way (“just” placeholders). The bulk of the “work” (heavy lifting) really needs to be done by all of us waiting together by the door. But the heavy lifting becomes lighter and lighter and easier and easier as the trailblazers clear the brush, make the way for others. Welcome, invite them. Lift them up – it’s not too hard!

dream bigger: and this “earth” becomes/is very “attractive” and there are co-creative joinings with different aspects, levels, realms, places . . . (there will need to be new words, or language or symbols or methods of “communication” – “beyond” that, like the taming of fire, the wheel, the advent of language for humans, the industrial revolution, social networks . . .) (beyond heaven, an even more intimate rendezvous with God than we can even imagine now.) We can even imagine this, some even are beginning – some pioneers (scientists keep coming to mind). Buzz Lightyear – “to infinity and beyond!”

“you may say I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one. I hope some day we’ll join up, and the world will live as one. . .”

And there is a place . . .

And there is a place, where we drum and dance and sing a new reality into being. We are “out of time.” (And some feel as if we are running out of time, as in it’s almost too late, hurry, hurry, rush, rush. But, (never start a sentence with And, or But) it is a failure of language, a glaring example of it’s limitations, because what it actually means is that we are in a place outside the realm of time, a place where “time” does not exist, or is perhaps best described as simply irrelevant. And, oddly enough, the more mundane “out of time” meaning is not really “untrue” either.)

We stand at the threshold and realize that we must go through the door together. We must all go through the door together. All means all. We can sense the quickening, the flutter of new life. And the gathering (together) has begun. The gathering has begun . . .(And perhaps this is also known in some circles as “Shift Happens.” ;-))

I Stand in My Power

Imagine me, standing tall, with my arms and eyes raised up to the sky. The sun is rising, and just cresting the horizon behind me. There is also a vast expanse of water behind me, pinks, purples and blues, with a yellow sun also reflected in it. And there are mountain ranges behind me in the far distance. And I say these words aloud, for all to hear. They are my soul agreement, my commitment, my touchstone, my foundation.

I Stand In My Power

– To Allow You To Stand In Yours
– To Allow Us To Stand In Ours

we oui whee WOW

Free at last! (liberated from judgment by a simple 3-step practice)

One of the speakers on Peace Week at the Shift Network was Miki Kashtan, co-founder of Bay Area Nonviolent Communication. She gave us a simple 3-step practice to use when faced with conflict. These are the notes I took during the call.

Example, Have judgment of someone – they are reckless, abusive, . . .Judgment causes a distance, disconnect between us, so

Step One: get grounded in what is most important to us, has deepest meaning. Judgments tell us something, give us information, not about other, but about ourselves – what we most value. So if judge person as non-collaborative, means I deeply value collaboration. If judge abusive, value acting with care. If think unconscious in wasting resources, I value conscious use of resources. Get grounded in that, to give self fuel, to connect with other person.

Step Two: Ask myself: What might be leading another human being to act in way that is so difficult for me? Why are they doing this? What is their fundamental need that is leading them to take this action? Then, when recognize, they become human and I am so much more able to connect across the divide of our difference. Then, I will be more likely to approach in love rather than hate, and they are much more willing to be able to hear, rather than being distant, defensive, self protective. The more you are able to do that internally, the more it will affect interactions and relationships with others in positive way. Can say things in sense that shows I care about what matters to them too, not just what matters to me. Start envisioning policies, practices that support world that works for everyone. Consider, “what can be done, from smallest scale to largest (creating peace), that takes care of everyone, even those I oppose”?

Step Three: Choose, based on that, how I want to respond to the situation.

Other Comments, Questions:

Been thinking a lot about power. I am person in power. Regardless of how much I intend to share power, many people give their power away. Found more I can encourage people to say “no” to me, more I am sharing power.

If I define power as ability to make something happen, to mobilize resources – then everyone needs power. Depends on how define power.

Another example – stopped conversation because not enough love in room. Either, shift, make empathic shift, or, realize gone as far as can, for now – let it go – come back later. Takes time, step by step, day by day.

Reconciliation? Beyond forgiveness (some notion of person being wrong) – this dissolves the separation between us – completely reminds us of our shared humanity, so can reconcile. For true healing, need to be heard by them, or another, fully, about pain I have suffered.

Someone who triggers anger – how deal with?
If want to focus on anger, get in touch with value underneath anger and keep bringing self back to that value, need, then you are more able to connect with self and soften what is happening.
If judging self for being judgmental – then, can do the same thing – why are you doing that, because you care so much for peace? Then, bring your attention to that, and again, it softens.