Crash, Bang, Fight and Ted E. Bear

This story is the result of a spiritual direction session that occurred this morning, in my journal, between a very patient, wise, kind me, and a very shy, very young part of me. This shy youngster so much wanted a new story but was too shy to explain. Her bear, Ted. E. Bear, was the one who was able to ask for the story and who ultimately actually wrote the story. (It is in a wholly different handwriting in my journal, very blocky looking print, with no editing or corrections.) Ted E. Bear asked for a “crash & bang & fight & hero story.” Here it is. (I cried at the end, as you can imagine.)

Crash, Bang, Fight and Ted E. Bear

Bang is a loud car w/ exhaust like gun. Crash is car in demolition derby. Fight is big Army tank & Ted E. is, well, he’s the owner of all these – he has them in his garage. And Bang also has a funny a-ooh-ga horn – I’m gonna fix the exhaust & just make loud sounds that way now. Crash really likes to crash sometimes. Me too. Like bumper cars! Fight is kinda weird. I think he wants to just go in parades & be with the clowns & horses – yes – the rodeo day parade & he wants to be one of the really fun ones everyone likes – handing out candy & money to everyonenot just a few! whoever wants it can just have it!

A few of my “birth day” gifts

Today I journaled in a new, fuller way, based on the seven steps in a book called Writing Down Your Soul.

We were given a new prayer. We used to say: God is the love I am the love God is the love I am the God . . . Now we say: we are the love, we are the love, we are the love, we oui, whee, WOW.

And two songs come to mind. First, “This is my song.”

Why is my heart so light?
Why are the stars so bright?
Why is the sky so blue
Since the hour I met you?

Flowers are smiling bright
Smiling for our delight
Smiling so tenderly
For all the world, you and me

I know why the world is smiling
Smiling so tenderly
It hears the same old story
Through all eternity

Love, this is my song
Here is a song, a serenade to you
The world cannot be wrong
If in this world there is you

I care not what the world may say
Without your love there is no day
So, love, this is my song
Here is a song, a serenade to you


The second is by Ricky Byars Beckwith, “Blessed Always,” and is sung, with everyone in the congregation holding hands, at the end of each Sunday service at New Thought Center for Spiritual Living.

Blessed always, blessed always,
For the arms of God surround us.
May our joy be so triumphant
That we rest in God and say “Amen.”

Oh, you must be Jody’s mom

More pieces of the puzzle. Thank you.

Today as I was walking I noticed a converted van style RV parked in front of someone’s home, being loaded up. I’ve always imagined having such an RV, so I went over and asked the man walking from the garage if I could look inside. Bill was so welcoming and gracious. He showed me all around, told me about all the features. This is his third one and it’s just right for two people (I also noticed a dog bed, smile). It’s on a Dodge chassis and is called an Xplorer, but the company went out of business a couple of years ago. His last one caught fire when they were filling the propane. State Farm Insurance reimbursed him in full though and then he found this one – a 1999 with only 9000 miles on it. He was packing up to head to Rocky Point with his wife on Wednesday.

It was such a fun “connection”! And I remembered very vaguely something my mom had told me about my making friends with all the neighbors when I was little, so I called her.

Yes, she told me, I loved meeting people. When Susie (my best friend) and I were big enough to be out on our own, apparently I would befriend all the neighbors. When my mom would meet them later, they would say, “Oh, you must be Jody’s mom.”

I told her that somewhere along the line I had become afraid of people, but maybe I was getting that love of meeting people back. She wondered if being a public defender might have contributed. I don’t think so. I think that was more about facing my fears. And more about opening my heart. It certainly broke my heart (open, eventually) to think we treat one another in the ways we treat “criminals.”

I told her that in trying to find my authentic self it seemed like it may be useful to go very far back, to my childhood. She asked me if I didn’t think all parts of me were part of my authentic self. Now that is a very good question, and a very good point. I said that I thought some parts were more like “masks” or “coping mechanisms.” But she may be right. I will keep an open mind on that. (Some inner part of me knows she is right.)

She also told me that I was the one who started (the leader of) a protest in the school cafeteria over boy-girl seating when I was quite young. That made me remember one time when Susie and I staged a protest at her house, with signs and arguments prepared: Butt is not a dirty word.

I also remembered one of our neighbors. I think her name was Edith and she was what we used to call an old spinster. I somehow sensed her isolation and loneliness. I remember leaving my childhood May basket on her door, anonymously, as a token of love I guess.

And another memory comes. There was a boy in my class in 3rd grade who had warts on his hands. He was teased in a very mean way. I made a point of holding hands with him on the playground. Oh my . . . .

Reconciling, perhaps —

What does it mean to me?

victim-witness mediation (all mediation)
no “lines” (separation)
CNVC – Center for Nonviolent Communication
forgiveness, truth, communion, love
a world that works for all
standing for something and against nothing
the phoenix – death & rebirth
honor, respect
Byron Katie — The Work (Loving What Is)
Dalai Lama — kindness
Sufi gates — true, necessary, kind
all is one
god is all there is
Thanksgiving — receiving the gift
just letting go . . . .


This appeared in my email inbox today:

All of you are allowing through the crack of least resistance. So there are a combination of factors. The degree of desire is a factor. In other words, the amount of pulling power that’s going on is a factor. Someone could really, really, really, want something, and could really, really, really, be disallowing it — but because they want it instensely they get it, but it comes the hard way.

— Abraham

Excerpted from the workshop in Cincinnati, OH on Saturday, July 15th, 2000 # 214

Our Love,
Jerry and Esther

525600 Minutes

I’ve been watching X Factor and there have been some really great moments! I laugh, and cry, and rant . . .

October 4th – it will be a year. It feels kind of like a “birth” day. And it feels right to celebrate it’s anniversary. And I realize I have already planned a wonderful celebration! I will be attending my HEART series class in the afternoon. Then, I’ll come home to begin my Jean Houston “virtual” course “Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose and Destiny.”

I was so interested in signing up for the Jean Houston class but almost didn’t because of the time “conflict” between the two classes. I have gotten used to waiting. I told myself I should wait for the next class. Then I told myself I shouldn’t “settle” and miss the live Tuesday night portion. But I kept the dialogue going, I remained open. On the live Q & A call about the class, many questions I didn’t even know I had were answered. I sent in a question right at the beginning, but they didn’t answer it until the very last, “Will you be offering another class in the future since I have a schedule conflict now.” The moderator said they plan to do one next year, but nothing is set up definitely. Then Jean Houston piped right in, “These are the times, we are the people, the iron is hot, go for it!” It felt like she was speaking directly to me. Yeah but, it costs a lot. What about that? I went and spoke with Duane, and he must have been able to tell how much it meant to me, and he was wholly supportive. I signed up! And it was, and is, and will be “just right.” I am so energized, enthused and also very calm, peaceful and “light.” It feels like some kind of burden has been lifted, the last vestiges of it somehow.

On October 4, a year ago, in the early morning hours, my inner guidance told me I had to seek medical attention for my heart. I listened to that guidance, I acted on it, and it has made all the difference.

Happy Birthday!

A Beautiful New Story (from God)

If the way is already clear, you do not need to wait for clarity. (According to the wisdom of Joy D, PS Entree.)

She got up several times during the night to write. It was heavenly – abundance, so much! Then, she awoke with her mind telling her: It is “too much.” She asked, “How can I “manage” it, choose, bring it to fruition?” The answer came right away, “Day-by-day, step-by-step (literally – go for a walk), a process of unfolding (not a product).”

So, shortly after sunrise, she got up and went for a walk. Usually she starts her walk downhill. Today she felt she was ready to go uphill. She had more “capacity.” As she walked into the sun, she sang:

morning sun, morning sun, come my way, come my way, come my way, come my way, take my pain, take my pain, take my pain, take my pain, down below, down below, down below, down below, healing waters down below.

Then she met a friend who was walking her dogs. It was a wonderful opportunity to connect and “reconcile.” It was an opportunity to release her own judgment. It is so easy for her to jump into negative judgments about just about anyone, especially herself. But, she is learning new ways, and she is so grateful to god for that, and one of those ways is the way of reconciliation.

She continued on her walk around the block, so in touch, connected, with everything. Then she started to become a bit concerned, “What if it goes away?” The first answer she heard was quite soothing, and sensible: “What if it does? You will still have many tools and insights and much will have been gained. It will be okay.” She thought this might be a good question to write about in her journal. Then, a new question came too, “What if it doesn’t go away?”

When she arrived home she made a delightful cup of chai tea, and sat down by the window to write in her journal. This is what they wrote:

What if it goes away? What if it doesn’t?

gifts are meant to be released, shared, enjoyed

I want, love this gift – how can I give it away?! Free it! Liberate it!

ask and it is given

who will ask?

can I offer, invite?

of course! who wouldn’t want to be invited to a party!

celebrate good times – come on – it’s a celebration!

Invited to a party – huh – like Abraham, like Dr. Sue Morter, like Here II Here. Get up everybody & sing!

“There’s a party going on . . . a celebration to last throughout the year . . . party with you.

we oui whee – WOW

of course!

I need not do the “hardest” thing always! It is possible to ___________ what ____? live in joy? for how long (yeah but . . .)?

So many doubts and insecurities – can I have more confidence please – confidence to allow the easier path too – as an option, at least!? please, please, pretty please!?

the “hard” path – it definitely “works” & it is possible to integrate into a life of great “suffering” – it is slower, denser, more stuck in time (it is good, fine, okay, too – just like every path!) “suffer as long as it makes you happy” works for some, &/or at some times in life

grief, e.g. – it can be short, long . . .

loss “

the “easy” path – to someone so used to the hard path – it seems too easy, can’t be this easy – hard to “trust” it – light, free, out of time – “now” – letting go – just living

each “chooses” their own “just right” unique combination.

Our culture mostly reveres the hard (difficult) path but we can learn, change, grow too – we have many teachers!

Eastern, Indigenous, New Age, Physics, Science, Technology – connection

& sometimes a person has to become very weary & worn down on the hard path before they can “see” (allow – let go – make room for) another way.

& sometimes, maybe a being is born and stays mostly on the easy path & lights (shows) the way for everyone else – (adversity did not break them)

Oprah, Mattie Stepanek, Dalai Lama

despite the huge obstacles placed in their path – the “temptations” to choose another path – they know, believe, have faith in the easy path, and do not waver, cannot be moved.

& now, in our “smaller” world, we can see that Jesus walks the earth among us still & we can be personally inspired by the living breathing Buddha Jesus Krishna on our TV!

– thank you for this beautiful story –


If I wrote a book, maybe a memoir, I would like to call it Brilliance. Of course somebody else has already done it. (It’s so easy to search Amazon and find out.) But they haven’t written about my kind of brilliance, so it would be okay.

I’m an A+ kind of a gal. Stanine 9. 95% on LSAT. You know the kind. Some people used to call us intelligent (now they know better – there are many kinds of intelligence). But I would never have called myself brilliant, especially after attending Stanford Law School and finding that my kind of smarts was pretty run of the mill and lackluster.

Most people know somebody like me. We can be kind of obnoxious at times. My husband, who I love dearly, very kindly and generously calls it “intense.”  And I think we’re a little crazy too. There’s just too much stuff going on in that head of ours. It makes us crazy!

I could have saved a lot of time, and pain, if I had just listened to Roadrunner. Animal-Speak says its keynote is “mental speed and agility,” (check), it lives in cactus and mesquite areas (check), and eats grasshoppers in large quantities (check). Let me digress a moment regarding grasshopper. I saw one the other day and just stopped and said, without thinking, “hello master.” It seemed like I was addressing my teacher. A bit surprising to say the least, so I decided to look up grasshopper. Grasshopper’s keynote is “uncanny leaps forward” and its message is “trust your inner voice.” (check, check, check!) Back to roadrunner. Wait until you hear this part, “The road runner is actually a ground-dwelling cuckoo.” (Some of you knew that!) “Mentally, you will find it necessary and easier to stop, shift, and then run in another direction if necessary.” Pause, go slow jo, slow down, listen, and Freeze Frame (from Heartmath) are the messages I have been getting for a long time. Thank God for a journal! This works! And I love the conclusion: “Individuals with the road runner as a totem are always thinking. It is sometimes hard to follow their train of thought, but if it can be slowed down, they can show you connections and stimulate ideas you had not thought possible. Their minds are always at work.”

Now that I have more fully allowed love into my life, it seems that my mind is just going faster and faster. There are so many creative wonderful and loving thoughts and connections in my head that I now have no option but to just stop and let them go. Give them to the Divine Mind, “Here, you figure it out and get back to me. You are so freaking creative, I know it will be awesome!”

And today, I see that the connections in my mind are just like the connections everywhere. And they are all Brilliant! Sparkling! And I want to connect consciously with everyone and everything. I have always been seen as impatient and it is true! I am so impatient! I want it all and I want it now! (Those of you who know me are laughing and saying, “What’s new?” And I can just see Wally shaking his head when he told me, incredulously, many years ago, “you want to change the world!”)

Brilliance, yes. That’s what I want to be. Thank you God.

Strange Evidence of Unity & Interconnectedness

The thrasher often calls in my neighborhood – wheet-wheet, wheet-wheet. So I decided to learn more about it. It turns out that it is endangered due to loss of habitat. Buffelgrass, introduced to America in the 1930’s, has become a highly invasive species that threatens the future of the thrasher.

And it made me think about us humans. We are endangered due to loss of habitat. But we are also the invasive species. Interesting, isn’t it?

And I’m not arguing for Armageddon. Remember the movie, where those whacky drilling guys went out into space and changed the course of the meteorite so it wouldn’t destroy us! I’m coming to see that there are lots of “whacky drilling guys,” and folks from every walk of life and place on earth doing their part to change our course. Thank you all!

My Prayer

An Affirmative Prayer for Joanne’s Blog
What do you want? I would like this blog to be divinely inspired.
Are you ready to receive? (RURTR?) “Where you lead, I will follow . . .” is the song that I hear. In other words, yes.
R – Recognition
I hear a Jami Lula song, “God you are so beautiful . . . I owe everything, I am to you.”
U – Unification
“We are family, I got all my sisters with me. Get up everybody and sing!”
R – Realization
Another Jami Lula song, “There is nowhere that God is not. Everywhere I am I know what I got.”
T – Thanksgiving
It seems like a uniquely American holiday. The people fed us, welcomed us, we joined together in communion, to celebrate our connection. I am so grateful for Thanksgiving! Oh heavenly father, let us give thanks for what we are about to receive . . . aka Grace.
R – Release
And so it is.
Thank you God, Thank you God, Thank you God. This or something better. Amen. The closing to a Ricky Byars Beckwith song, “May our joy be so triumphant that we rest in God and say ‘Amen.'”